No words I say will express the way I viewed what we went through. It appeared as though I could never make you understand my perspective on anything. I didn’t mean everything after the fact so harshly. But running away from me was the last thing I thought you’d do. The last thing on a long list of things. So far away from me..so far away and still, you ran further. I know I can’t blame myself, but I keep wanting to take fate into my hands and twist it until it snaps in half for bringing you into my life and taking you out just as fucking quickly. Not even half a taste and I feel like I was expected to lick my fingers like I was satisfied. I was not. I don’t like the way we ended.
"Looking at you brings tears to my eyes. Tears of joy and pain. I hide behind a fake smile and walk the halls convincing others I am okay, when really I am dying inside.
And yet you look at me, and say nothing.
And I look at you, broken and still crying.”
I have come to realize I can live without you, and I have accepted reality. However, there are days where I miss you so much it physically hurts and I have to restrain myself from picking up my phone and messaging you and spilling my heart out to you. Because I know now that it won’t do any good. It won’t change anything. You’re not magically going to resume caring about me because I want you to. You have to decide on your own, when you’re ready, in your own time…whenever that may be, I am still going to be here for you.
How foolish of me.